It’s been exactly a month since you passed. I first heard your name after your repeat of reality bath. Same as you, been enamoured with Twight, his writing, and hearing about those times of hardcore punk drudgery, it was utterly awe inspiring to hear of a repeat. especially from someone just a year younger than I am, especially so as you grounded and demystified the route in your own words. In your description, it felt to me that despite the love and respect for the past, you were a new star in a creed that defied the darkness of past psyche. Its got to be fucking hard out there but even then you took it in with love for life.
There’s a weird disconnection you get when you enter this kind of thing. A big graveyard of names, way past from my own time, but I still hear and listen intently to these stories. Despite not knowing these people I still keep people like Scott and Hayden in my head, like marble buttresses of greats that the greater world doesn’t know about tucked away in sidestepped museum halls, my lips still quiver sometimes hearing about how people felt about them. It’s just that despite my jaded sentiments and pessimism, there was something about you that kept you in my head, like that despite how gifted and hardcore you were, you were gonna stay around, and I could be in the bleachers clutching onto those sparkly gold pom pom’s cheering in your corner.
Hearing the news that night I crept into bed with my partner that night and told her what happened. She knew who you were by name as I've mentioned it many times, and I'm sure many others did the same that night despite never knowing you personally. A week after, my experience mirrored Andy’s. I saw gloated weird articles covering the story and felt strange about it, it felt like too many, and too impersonal. Then a co-worker that morning began to show me a video. I realized what he was trying to show me and turned away, shooing him off and telling him that I don’t want to see it. It’s far too easy these days to resign the significance of any death with overstimulated apathy. There was no need.
Regardless I am heartbroken to know you're gone. Did you know your wikipedia page is now filled with your hard earned achievements in a chart? I don’t think they have it that detailed for a lot of the renowned old guard alpinists. I wish I could have met you at an ice fest, or maybe somewhere out there, just to spill my spaghetti a bit, awkwardly stumble my words only to come out with some sort of thanks. Nobody was doing it like you so young and shine. Rest easy Balin. Ill be packing my glitter for now on